Miss you dearly, my little brother

Dear Nongnong, this is what that have been running through my mind the whole yesterday and today. I couldn't sleep coz all these are replaying in my mind.  I hope you would remember all these memories we once had.
Have the angels brought you up to heaven yet? Have you met your family there?

You can't imagine how home is without you here. There is an empty corner where you used to be sleeping, where your comfy orange sofa is. The place where both of us love to sit.
There is no longer you there, rubbing your head beside my leg, as if digging a hole so that you can squeeze in and conquer back the sofa. I miss fighting with you to get that seat.

 I was the one who had given you the name 'nongnong', although I always wonder why did I give you that cina-pek name when I was young. You were with me since Standard 1, when I was 7 till now I'm in A-levels, 19 years old. You witnessed how I grew up. The first day you were brought home, in that giant brown box. And when I heard your bark from the door, I thought it was a monkey lol. You were that little cute puppy, transforming into that still tiny but handsome boy. Some of them always think that I don't love you, or just assume that I bully you. They don't get our bond is built and strengthen through all these fun we had together.But anyways I don't care what the others think. You know me, that's enough.

Nong... Do you remember how I always call you name, and when you come over and I'd pretend it's not me who called you?You always suspect it was me and came putting your paw against my feet, proving that you caught me.

Rainy days when there was only me and you left at home. Both of us are afraid of the thunder. Worse case was when the electricity got cut off when the thunder strikes. It doesn't matter whether it's you protecting me or the other way round, but being together was how we felt better and safer with the horrendous rain and thunder outside. Now that you're not here anymore, who's gonna accompany me through home alone rain times? I will be so scared.

When I'm studying in the room, I can always hear your footsteps when you are approaching the room. Or when I decide to take a break and grab some water, I can just go out and say a hi bye to you. Now I think I'm imagining your footsteps sound while revising for the coming mocks, or just a slight noise would remind me of you.

Last time when I wasn't in this college stress, I always lay down on the floor i the living room after ballet coz I was so tired and exhausted. I knew you would come to sniff me as usual. Dogs just like sniffing. It's always so ticklish! I would cover up my face when you walk near my head coz I don't like you wet nose and tongue to touch my face. When I cover it up, You would be more eager to sniff my face. so I ended up rolling left and right to avoid the face-attack from you.

Now that you're gone, there's no one to play such tricks with me. N one to accompany me through midnight studies during exam periods. No more pees in my room when you secretly sneak upstairs. And no more into of you to my friends as my little brother, which I use to do so by telling people that I have 5 family members at home: dad, mum, Casey, me myself and my little doggie bro.
Throughout this few months in 2013, you have been so strong. On and off you scared us as you would show symptoms of ageing when you start vomiting, stop eating and stone in your territory. Especially before those big festivals like CNY and Qing Ming. But I guess you fought with your body, and won a few extra months of life to stay with us. There isn't really much little tiny dogs like you who can survive 13 years, you are truly the special one :)

But I know keeping you one more day at home would be a torture. It was a torture to see you slipping when you walk, have no appetite to eat and losing so much of weight where what's left is almost bones and skin only. And yesterday morning was worse. I saw you trying so hard to stand but couldn't at all. Your breath was so weak that I nearly thought you were gone just like that. But fortunately I saw the slight expansion and contraction of your ribs. I was hoping for sort of 'wui guong fan jiu'(cantonese) thing would happen on you, but my wish did not come true.

Writing this right now, home alone, I really hope it doesn't rain later. You won't be here with me physically. I know you are in a safe and happy place now, looking after us from that far far away land. I truly believe you are watching us, but I couldn't deny the sorrow of your absence in the family and wish for you to come home. I miss you Nong.